I think me wavering in my Christian faith comes from my lack of intimacy with God.
Yes, the Lord has provided for me, day-to-day, time and time again through my parents.
However, to be honest, I’m not sure that I have experienced a true experience with GOD that related directly to ME and MY situation.
I’ve had a couple here and there spiritual encounters but those things to me are just baby steps.
I don’t think I have a close relationship with God honestly compared to other Christians.
I literally just feel like I’ve just stepped away from the starting line, meanwhile others are basically jumping hurdles and maybe on their fourth or fifth lap.
I really desire and hunger for more spiritual insight or dreams, for a situation where I know that God was the only reason how I came out of the situation.
I want to actively fast – meaning, I want to fast not sometimes but make it an essential activity for my christian walk.
I’ve read and researched the topic of fasting and all that comes back is that it drastically deepens your relationship with God.
I long for that.
A relationship with God seems really really challenging. It requires so much sacrifice in every area that sometimes I fear that even when I do it, I won’t get the same results as everyone else.
Fasting – giving up food, items/routines you like doing for a period.
Tithing – giving up a portion of your pay.
Praying – sometimes involves waking up early when you don’t want too.
Growing spiritually seems like you constantly have to deny your flesh over and over and over again.
Sacrifices. Sacrifies. Sacrifies.
It’s funny that in other religions, these people easily sacrifice things dear to them to their gods but in our christian faith we find it extremely hard to do so when serving the true GOD.
Christianity is really hard work but in all honestly Jesus clearly told us in Matthew 16:24, ” If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
This walk would not be a bed of roses.
So here I attempt to go. I hope I can come back to share the goodness of the Lord’s grace on me.